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Old 01-06-2007, 12:25 AM   #61
Ferunnia

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Finally made a sig. I don't think it's too fancy but hey, homegrown first piece, so I'm proud of it. Props to all the people who put guides on the Signatures thread.
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Old 01-06-2007, 01:14 AM   #62
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I'm here too, enjoying every word, as always. Sorry I didn't post earlier....must give writers feedback or they get discourage. :smileywink: I won't let myself go Ekuth ('lurker') for so long in the future, I promise.
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Old 01-08-2007, 09:29 PM   #63
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Writer's block, oh how I didn't miss thee. Well, I'm gonna post as soon as I can think straight about the story again. Had dreams for two days that led up to the last chapter. Now that I'm not being plagued by the story I'm taking a little break and collecting my thoughts. Should be back on the story within a week or so. Happy hunting, and anyone who happens to read this who hasn't already, hope you like what I have up so far.
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Old 01-08-2007, 10:07 PM   #64
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Woot, broke 100 posts. I waas getting tired of being a journeyman. SMILEY
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Old 01-09-2007, 06:33 PM   #65
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Ferunnia wrote:
Woot, broke 100 posts. I waas getting tired of being a journeyman. SMILEY



Grats.  Post more story entries and it'll go higher faster SMILEY
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Old 01-15-2007, 06:15 AM   #66
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Working on a new chapter or 5. The ball has started rolling, albeit slowly.
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Old 01-15-2007, 06:46 AM   #67
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/Hands Aktad a muffin. At least if impaitent...he will have his mouth full so he can't disturb you as we wait for next chapter.
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Old 01-15-2007, 07:33 AM   #68
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Niko nabed a mufin for himself as he paces back and forth rahter impatiently."Mummfh memmm memmmm," he mumbles with a mouth full of food. Finding it rahter pointless to try and talk with a mouthful of baked goods he looked around for a glass of milk. A short smile spread across his face as he spied a pitched and an empty glass that still held the white film from the milk that has previously occupied the glass."Mhmmm mehhh," Niko said still grinning in triumph as he hefted the pitcher. Finding the pitch empty his once triumphant face clounded over with a look of horror. "Mhnooooooommm,"
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Old 01-15-2007, 05:04 PM   #69
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An absolutly first class tale :smileyhappy: I am really enjoying this. I'm very interested in the direction you are taking in chapter 18 :smileywink:
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Old 01-15-2007, 05:38 PM   #70
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I'm glad to hear that. Hope you enjoy the one I'm about to post then. SMILEY
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Old 01-15-2007, 05:43 PM   #71
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Chapter 19: The Change

        After her first meeting with the strange, beautiful woman, Elhonna’s life seemed to just ease by slowly, sleepless days passing without her realizing while she explored the wonderfully massive forest. Often she would find herself lost in contemplation while staring at a new breed of flower or tree she had known nothing of moments before, yet somehow the words to describe said plant would just be in her mind suddenly.

        From giant mushrooms to trees so large they seemed to take dozens of steps to circumvent, Elhonna was now exposed to a forest so primeval that the very age of the place seemed to overwhelm her senses. She saw by sunlight beautiful flowers bloom to reach for the sky, delicate seeming from a distance, yet larger around than she was tall when approached. By night, all manner of fungi seemed to race over the ground to replace what had grown during the day, at a pace that seemed impossible, only to whither and be replaced by new, and different flowers the next day.

        For a long period of time, Elhonna felt she was alone in the forest, other than occasional visits from the nameless woman she had awoken in the arms of. The advice she imparted on Elhonna the first night before leaving was thus: Walk the paths of this forest and learn to know it as a living being. Learn its names and meanings, and one day, its thoughts. When you can speak to the forest we can begin your true lessons.

        However, one evening, days, or years, after she had started wandering through the forest, Elhonna heard light padding footsteps in the distance. This interrupted something that had been nagging at the back of her mind the whole day. She had been hearing the most minute of whispers coming from every direction, and was sure this was her finally being able to hear the forest speaking to her. When she had walked over the next grassy rise, though, her annoyance at the interruption dissipated like dust in the wind.

        At the bottom of the next hill, tongues wagging, panting, and being purely playful, a pack of wolves sat, laid, and frolicked about, seemingly without a care in the world. A large group of pups was to one side, being watched over by some of the eldest members of the pack. As she topped the rise and looked down though, the whole pack looked up at her and she felt vaguely uncomfortable as the target of their gazes. All play stopped, and all the wolves came to their feet to look in her direction.

        The largest male in the pack walked slowly toward Elhonna and came to a stop about five paces away, in a patch of intermittent sun and shadow, which gave the animal an almost ethereal countenance.

        Its eyes were in shadow, but shone a dim yellow, while other parts of its slate gray fur body were almost painfully bright. A look of serene intelligence passed through the animal’s eyes, then, surprisingly, it spoke, directly into her mind. 'Hello, sister of the forests.'

        She nodded, and spoke back, albeit out-loud. “Hello to you to, Brother Wolf.”

        'Your studies, they seem to be going well.'       

        “What do you know of what I am doing here?”

        'All within the forest who can speak its language know of all doings within its shadowy reaches. Not a moment goes by that the forest doesn’t tell those who can understand it the secrets of everything happening within it.'

        At this, her eyes lit up. “Can you teach me more of the language of nature?”

        The alpha male smiled a wolfish smile, fangs flashing in the sunlight as he turned his head to and fro, passing through streamers of sun. 'None can be ’taught’ to speak to the forest, they can simply learn. If you would like to join the pack for a time, you may well learn what you seek, though none of us can teach you.'

        “By join you, you mean walk amongst you in this form?”

        'No. I mean be one with the pack, walk with us on four legs, as wolves have for time beyond reckoning, and hunt with us, partake in our kills, and become one of us for a time in all ways.'

        “I know not how to do what you speak of. I am willing, but lack knowledge. How do I become a wolf?”

        'Now, that, 'O sister of the forest, can be taught.'

 

*          *          *

 

        Minutes later, the wolf and the half-elven woman sit across from each other. The wolf looks at her with his large yellow eyes, and she stares back with her crystal blue ones. Having followed the wolf’s advice, she has stripped to nothing, and is now sitting covered only by her hair, which cascades down her shoulders and pools at her waist and on the ground.

        The wolf closes its eyes and lies down on the ground in front of her, then begins to speak in her head once more. You must look at me. And feel the air around me with your senses. I am male though, and you must not forget that. Search my mind, which I now open to you, and see what the differences are. Once you are ready, and know what you will be, the change is easy. Simply imagine changing, then let it flow over your body, and push this image through your skin with your power, and the change will come of its own accord. So it was told to me by elder druids many ages ago, and still it holds true to this day. I am the elder, and I ask of you to join my pack.

        Elhonna sat there, hair moving slightly in the warm breeze that seemed to always blow through the forest, staring at the wolf. Minutes, or days, passed, and with each passing moment, she learned more of what it would be to be a wolf. She wouldn’t simply change into a wolf in form, she would become a wolf. At this realization, a slow smile spread across her face and she reached down inside of herself into the glowing well that was her pool of power in this place, and pushed the energy through her skin and down her body.

        One observing from a distance would have seen the air shimmer about her, and watched her hair seem to blend into her body as it elongated. Her hands became smaller, then grew sharp claws, and her arms and legs slowly moved to different locations as a tail sprouted from over her buttocks. Hair flowed swiftly, and grew out to an almost shimmering, blinding, silver-white. Moments later, the shift was finished, and a large female wolf stood on all fours where once a woman had sat, its bright blue eyes and silver-white fur the only clues as to its true identity.

        When the wolf opened her eyes, she saw the world from a different perspective, and nearly leapt for joy at how much more aware of the world she seemed simply through her sense of smell. Her hearing was much more acute and even her sense of touch seemed heightened. She felt the need to stretch her new legs, and bounded off in a blur, the large ancient male wolf right beside her, sharing in her exultation in being a wolf.

Message Edited by Ferunnia on 01-17-2007 11:18 AM

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Old 01-15-2007, 08:00 PM   #72
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Hmm, 10 views and no comment...does this mean it's bad or you're speechless? Hoping for the latter. SMILEY
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Old 01-15-2007, 08:41 PM   #73
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Hmm, 10 views and no comment...does this mean it's bad or you're speechless?
 
Means I was waiting for these to come out of the oven....../leave a large plate of pork muffins (author rewards) near the wolves path.
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Old 01-16-2007, 10:15 AM   #74
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Couple o' chapters in the morn perhaps. At least one. Now I needs be to bed, I'm freaking tired.
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Old 01-16-2007, 06:29 PM   #75
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get some sleep :smileywink:

 

i like the direction in the last chapter :smileyhappy:

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Old 01-17-2007, 12:18 AM   #76
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Chapter 20: Understanding

 

         Light flashed off silver fur and glistening white teeth as the wolf padded swiftly down the forest trail. A panorama of sights greeted the creature as it took in its surroundings. To one side, a bubbling stream washed swiftly past time-worn pebbles and over small falls to eventually meet up with a larger body of water some hundred paces to the wolf’s rear. A small rise to the other side peaked to a modest-sized plateau which was home to a large stand of deciduous trees. Ahead, the path split into many paths, one which led to the creek, another around the edge of the plateau and yet another major branch that continued straight ahead.

         The wolf stopped for a moment in the midst of its chase to perk ears into the slight breeze and feel the pulse of the forest around it. Far into the stand of ancient trees, it could hear something thrashing about. Turning its head once more and scenting the air, the wolf decided to head in the direction the sounds were coming from; no blood could be smelled from the direction of the wind, and since that direction was toward the intersection of the many paths it seemed a good choice to head over to the hillock.

         Moments later, the wind shifted slightly, blowing from the direction of the setting sun, which was beyond the trees in the wolf’s line of sight. Almost letting out a howl of pleasure, the wolf dashed up the side of the hill, its powerful muscles propelling its headlong flight.

         At the top of the hill, its efforts were born to fruition as it spied a large antlered form struggling to keep moving, even though its hind legs had both been hamstrung - by what was evidenced by the red glistening on the mouth of the wolf. With a predator’s calm, the wolf sat silently and waited for the buck’s thrashing to subside somewhat, then stalked silently closer to the massive deer-like creature.

           The wolf was about to pounce and lock iron-jaws down on the buck’s throat when the animal started thrashing again, having smelled its own blood and the wolf’s scent mingled on an errant gust of wind. Unfortunately for the wolf, it was in range of the massive antlers and was nearly gored through the eye as the powerful neck of the creature swung the horns at the wolf’s face.

          A large furrow just below the eye showed how close the horns had come, and the dull, blunt impact of the blow left the wolf stunned for a moment. The buck raised up to the knees of its nerveless back legs and propelled itself using its front legs into a headlong charge at the wolf, determined to make a final stand.

          Just as the heavy body would have barreled into the wolf, crushing the life from it, a thickly muscled gray form shot from the woods at the buck’s side and crashed into it. Jaws clamped onto the charging animal’s throat and stayed lodged there until the mightily antlered head finally lay down and the creature breathed its last.

         Coming up, his jaws covered in blood from the massive deer’s jugular vein, the scarred, elder wolf looked at the silver-white female for a moment, then spoke into her mind. ‘Do not ever underestimate nature’s resiliency, Sister of the Forests. Just when you think it has breathed its last, it shows you that perhaps one last, deadly, breath remains. Ever remember the lesson you have learned here today. It brings you one step closer to understanding the world around you, and may one day be your salvation.’

         The silver-white wolf, at once shamed at her failure, yet jubilant at almost bringing her first kill down alone, looked directly into the Elder’s eyes and mind spoke back to him. ‘Always will I remember every lesson you have taught me. I have become closer to nature with each passing day with your pack. I have learned to almost feel a creature’s heartbeat from a distance, and today, I almost heard the forest speak!’

         This is great, though sad news indeed, ‘O Sister, for it means your time here is almost at an end. When you finally hear the wind whisper its secrets, and the boughs of the trees creak to you in their multitudes of voices, your understanding will be as perfect as ever it can be. Then it will only remain for you to use the wisdom of ages that each forest can impart, and revel in your teachings. The wildness of the wind, the calmness of the earth, the ferocity of flames, and the peace of water will teach you the final things you need to know on this journey, then you shall have to return to your home.’

         The old wolf continued on, ‘Let us go now, and bring to here the pack. They need not know you failed in your quest, and you didn’t you merely received help when you needed it, and that is the final lesson of the pack. Within nature the most powerful thing to have is unity. That is why the wolf pack will always prevail over the massive, powerful bear, or the wily rabbits, or the speed of the horned ones. We draw upon each other’s strengths, and in this, become a more powerful whole.’

         The two loped to the edge of the plateau, then raised their voices together in a howl that soon brought the other members of the hunting party to bear. Soon thereafter, the massive deer was brought back to the den in chunks, both to feed the cubs and sustain their keepers, who did not hunt when so many other able members could range about.

         Later, after the sun went down, the silver haired wolf laid her head on paws and half-dozed, looking out over a green meadow shaded gray by the deep, starry night. Her thoughts were many, but one stood out amongst all: she would miss this pack when she left, but indeed knew she must soon. The same guilt that had almost overcame her when she first came to this place was now rising again, like the ever-changing tides of the ocean. This time, when the peak of her emotions rose, though, she would be able to respond and fulfill that which hurt her so deeply inside, though she knew not what it was.

 

*          *          *

 

         A week later she finally heard it.

         All at once, the sounds came crashing down on her, almost drowning out her thoughts. The trees spoke of many things, from the dirt beneath their roots to the many insects making their homes in the bark surrounding their trunks. The wind spoke whispers of all places, all things it passed. The ground itself seemed to be calm, until it slowly woke, as if from a slumber, to recognize a new addition to the chain of life that could understand all of nature. She was at once overwhelmed and happy. Glad to have finally been given the gift to speak to the world around her, and understand it when it spoke back.

         Soon, the voices subsided a bit as she exerted her will and blocked some of the sounds out. Moments later, the old wolf walked up to her, a sad look in his eye, and spoke to her once more. ‘It is time, Sister. You must go back to your other life, but never forget us, or the things you have learned. The Mother of Us All waits for you. She will finish what was started here, and you will finally come into your own. There is much you must accomplish in your life, and your path only begins here. Farewell, ‘O Sister.

         With large tears brimming in her crystal blue wolf’s eyes, she looked upon her teacher once more, then focused deep inside, drawing upon her power for the first time in many moons. She mind spoke one last time before letting transformation overcome her. Goodbye, my friend. And then she started to shift slowly back into her human form. When finally the shift was done, she stood up on two legs, now Elhonna once again. She wandered down the path towards the grove she had first arrived at upon being brought back to life, ready to begin her final trials.

Message Edited by Ferunnia on 01-16-2007 03:32 PM

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Old 01-17-2007, 12:42 AM   #77
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Oh, yay. Page 4. Got more stuff in the works, and hope you guys enjoy what's happening so far.
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Old 01-17-2007, 01:05 AM   #78
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Gratz on page four, nice posting.  (Helped me feel not quite so bad about the fact that I managed to mis-save and obliterated my chapter for today). I love the Zen-wolf-master.
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Old 01-17-2007, 02:34 AM   #79
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Considering I envision him to be like the primordial father of all wolves, I think he turned out ok. SMILEY For you action lovers out there, worry not. You'll have more than you can poke a stick at not too long from now. SMILEY Anyone else? Feel free to reply with praise (which gives at least this author reason to write) or crticism (which helps this author not suck SMILEY ).
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Old 01-17-2007, 07:21 PM   #80
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The boards have been dead...can't believe it. Though I do guess a lot of you guys write from work. I'm working on another chapter also. maybe a couple...or a few. SMILEY
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Old 01-17-2007, 09:02 PM   #81
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We aint all dead :smileywink: I loved your new addition and am intrigued on where it will head next. keep it the good work as you have a talent :smileyhappy:
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Old 01-17-2007, 09:23 PM   #82
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New chapter soon...also, I'm using the bigger font because I personally have an easier time reading it. If anyone dislikes it, and there's a huge number that don't like the size or such I'll change it to a smaller one.
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Old 01-17-2007, 09:56 PM   #83
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Yeah I noticed the biger font .. not too sure on it yet. I am used to reading everything small but thats just me...

I am sure that there are lots of people whom prefer it bigger. Once again you and I stalk eachother :smileywink:

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Old 01-17-2007, 09:57 PM   #84
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YAY I am no longer a Journeyman rank on the forums :smileywink:
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Old 01-17-2007, 10:16 PM   #85
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Grats on Master...Journeyman made me sick SMILEY To commemorate your change in title, a new chapter. SMILEY

Chapter 21: Remembrance

  

      The rest of his trip having passing uneventfully, Ereviz arrived at the Nektulos dock for the first time in a month. Considering the high spirits he had left the place in when last he was there, the painful loss of his companion seemed even more poignant. The fact that the weather was dreary and it was well after dark in a place that was perpetually dark didn’t help much at all. He wearily set his bags down when he arrived at the dockside tavern and paid for a room for the remainder of the night.

      While sitting at a table in the tavern, an untouched platter of food and an almost empty mug of ale sitting in front of him, he stared into the flickering, crackling fire in the main hearth of the common room. His mind wandered, and many scenes flashed through his mind of all the adventures he and Elhonna had shared in their relatively short time traveling together. He still remembered the fierce grin as she stood in the midst of seemingly impossible odds, fighting with only her staff or even bare hands and feet, overcoming opponents twice her size or strength.

      Or the contentment on her face when she stood there in the cabin of the pirate captain Jermaine after helping him recover his brother’s shield - her slight smile just before she collapsed of a dozen wounds taken defending his back. He remembered panicking and channeling his every heal into her and the happiness he felt when she opened her eyes. Or the grim satisfaction on her face when she held her arms up the sky and called lightning in a blinding stroke, sinking the ships and burning through the bodies of all the men who helped kill his brother and his crew.

      The gloomy thoughts showed well on his face, creasing his forehead and making his mouth turn downwards in a frown. This was the condition he was in when a small, rapidly speaking voice from around the level of his elbow made him look around slowly, almost like a badly aged old man.

      “Why the long face? Did something happen? Where’s Elhonna? You are the one she was with that the Thundering Steppes dock aren’t you?” At his nod, the female gnome continued in her almost non-stop speech, barely taking the time to take breaths between sentences, “Well, where is she? We need to talk to her. We were going to ask for her help, we need a good fighter, and she’s about as good a one as we’ve ever seen, considering our regular one is in a hospice half dead.”

      “She’s dead.” The words came out almost in a croak, as Ereviz’s voice broke just speaking the words. “I’m headin’ off to finish ‘er last quest. Gonna keep my vow.” At this, he looked away from the gnome back into the fire. He barely noticed when the gnome plucked at his sleeve, trying to ask him more about what he had just revealed. The words he spoke, explaining the attack on the ship, and the subsequent death of his friend sounded like they came from another person, far in the distance.

      Somewhere in the back of his head, Ereviz heard the gnome talking about the loss of a good two-thirds of her guild members to an attack by assassins. She went on to tell him that she and one of the only other healthy members of the guild, a healer by the name of Noris, were on a mission of vengeance. Their friend Maggie would be rejoining them soon, after a foray into the forests around Qeynos, in an effort to track down the assassins.

      After yet another question from the gnome, asking if he’d like to take El’s place, Ereviz turned and growled into her face, “I don’t give a rat’s a** about your guild. I’m gonna go get El’s kid, then I’ma take ‘er back to Qeynos, give ‘er back to the people she grew up with, and go back to my life the way it used ta be.” He turned away from the gnome, ready to spend the rest of the night ignoring her, when she said something that made him change his mind.

      Fiona’s eyes grew wide, then she asked quickly, “What’s the child’s name? It isn’t Loriana is it? Is it?” With this question Ereviz’s head snapped back around to stare at the gnome. At this moment, a human man of medium build stepped up, his body encased in blued steel plate, a shield strapped to his back, a heavy mace hanging at his side, and the emblem of the healing college of Qeynos on his breastplate.

      The man spoke without hesitation, “You recognize the name. That look on your face says it all. The girl is almost as dark skinned as Elhonna, but not quite as much. It’s also easy for one to see the similarities in their faces and body structures when one has spent the last thirteen years raising the girl as one would a niece who had lost her parents. I was the one who the child was given to. I couldn’t see the woman who handed me the child and note that cloudy, windy night, but I did get a glimpse of long silver-white hair inside her cowl. When I saw Elhonna for the first time, she seemed uncannily familiar, but I couldn’t place it until on my trip back to Qeynos.

      "I always wondered why someone would give up their child, but when I figured it out, then connected the way she fought as being a mixture between the art of assassins and the way the brawlers I’ve fought from Freeport, I figured out a bit more. It also made me think better of her, not wanting her child to grow up in no telling what kind of conditions.

      “It saddens me to know that she died trying to save the child she never got to know. I’d like to join you, Ereviz, was it?” The dwarf nodded, and the man continued, “Our goals coincide; we want both to rescue Lori if possible and also to make the men who slew our guild members pay a blood debt. What say you?”

      “I’ll join ya. ‘Twill be easier for three to succeed in this quest than one. Now, let us get some rest. We leave in the morn.”

      Fiona spoke up, “What about Maggie?”

      Ereviz looked at her then said, “We can’t afford to wait. If I didn’t ‘ave to rest enough to not fall out of me saddle I’d be riding out now. The child is in Fallen Gate, we ‘ave no time to waste.”

      Fiona nodded, then she and Noris went to the bar to get rooms for the night. Ereviz finished his meal, chugged it down with the last of his ale, then trudged upstairs to rest up for the next day.

 

*          *          *

 

      The misty, shadowy dawn found the three well on their way away from the inn, each wrapped in their own gloomy thoughts. Leagues passed without incident, and the three made their way swiftly through the forest, finally stopping after about a twelve hour ride only because they didn’t want to wear the horses out. Dusk was nearly upon them, and they all knew it was only a matter of time before something attacked them if they didn’t keep moving. After about four hours of sleep, with one of them always awake and keeping watch, they stowed their sleeping gear and continued the trip on their already tired mounts.

      By the third day, having prevailed over a few minor attacks, most of which occurred during their infrequent stops for rest, the three arrived at the massive bridge leading across the rushing waters of the murky Torrent River. They stopped off in the small nameless village at the foot of the bridge and re-provisioned for the long trip across the Commonlands. An hour’s time found them through the massive black-iron gate leading into Lucan’s lands and headed steadily south along a massive wall of mountains that separated Nektulos from the rest of the continent.

      Dodging roaming prides of mountain lions, wandering groups of Dervish bandits and the occasional left-over stone golem, the trio managed to find themselves staring at the overwhelmingly large gates leading into Fallen Gate. Tethering their horses just outside the dungeon, and in Ereviz’s case, simply dismissing his spirit steed, the trio managed to open one of the gates just wide enough to squeeze through, and then make their way cautiously into the dank, musty tunnel leading into the dungeon proper.

      A flickering torch held in one mail-encased hand, Noris turned and spoke quietly to Ereviz before they ventured further. “From what Fiona and I know of this place, there’s Thexians down here making a living off the relics of lost Neriak that are scattered through the Foreigner’s Area that actually comprises this place. So we’ll have to be careful around them, they might be working for the scum who took Lori as well. One other thing is this place is rife with undead, but between my own holy spells,” he also nodded at the dwarf at this point, “and yours along with Fiona’s fire spells we should have no issues with them. Anything else need to be said before we go further?”

      Ereviz shook his head and briskly headed down the constantly curving tunnel, not even looking back to make sure the others were following. They were there, of course, but both quite worried about the seeming half-insanity of the dwarf. Both were saddened by the loss of Elhonna, but neither had been as close as the dwarf, either.

      As they came around one bend of the tunnel, a flight of bats alighted in front of them and the trio made quick work of the filthy creatures. After perhaps ten more minutes, they finally arrived at the place where the tunnel widened out into a massive cave, in the center of which stood a small keep, guarding the path further into the place. Dark skinned elves almost swarmed over the structure, some working on restoring it, others keeping a constant look out for any attacking undead or other creatures, as well as a full contingent watching the path leading out into the Commonlands.

      The trio debated on how to best approach the place for a moment, with Noris trying to figure out an alternative and Ereviz advising going in and crunching the skull of anyone stupid enough to stand in their way. Fiona finally glared at the both of them and spoke a few words of a chant, then almost laughed when she heard the now invisible Noris almost trip over a rock out-cropping. “Go, Noris, and find a safe spot to hide when my invisibility wears off. You have fifteen minutes, and try not to make too much noise or trip over anyone, it doesn’t make you silent, you know.”

      The cleric headed off swiftly, his steps not making much noise, as he had removed his boots soon after realizing Fiona had turned him invisible. He felt sweat drip down his back as he held his weapon and shield closely to his sides to keep them from clanking around and alerting the nervous, watchful guards in the keep. He was surrounded by stonework and artwork that turned the stomach for someone from Qeynos to contemplate.

      From scenes of children being butchered so dark elves could bathe in their blood, to screaming live victims subjected to various tortures, from impalement to being eaten alive by rats in glass jars being placed open end down on the victim’s stomach, the gory scenes only got worse. He was glad to pass out of the other side of the evil keep.

      Ten minutes later, he crouched down into a crevice, shuddering from the sights of dark elven debauchery he had just witnessed, and waited for the invisibility to lose its effect. A little less than fifteen minutes later, he jumped a bit as Ereviz whispered in his ear, “Ye need to move, there’s a patrol coming up behind me, and they’ll see ye for sure. There’s a small ledge up the tunnel a bit that’ll hide us above their eye level. We’ll tap lightly on the stone when Fiona should be close so she won’t miss us.”

      The gnome found them fifteen minutes later by following the sound she and Ereviz had decided on when Noris was sneaking off. Rejoined thus, and behind the Thexian patrols, the trio continued into the dungeon.

      At a hiss, Ereviz whirled and smashed down with his hammer, nearly scaring Fiona half to death and missing her feet by only inches. Smashed flat under his warhammer was a vile looking snake. She nodded her thanks to the dwarf then the group continued further in.

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Old 01-17-2007, 11:27 PM   #86
valkry

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Ooo OOOooo OOOO! I definately love the 'enlarge world' aspect, it just feels right for your tale. (I might have to steal if, if I ever get my charcters outside the city walls).

danous wrote:

Yeah I noticed the biger font .. not too sure on it yet. I am used to reading everything small but thats just me...

I am sure that there are lots of people whom prefer it bigger. Once again you and I stalk eachother :smileywink:



So if you two are just stalking either, make the leap and write a tie-in to each other's threads. Then we can play the Traveler's Tales version of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

Niko's story had a cameo role by Mysidia.... who's wonderful ale.... was enjoyed by Darius in Ekuth's Kinslayer....which was where the walk-on characters of The Sisters started...in the same version of Freeport (Runnyeye Server) that Danos's Orge 'escaped' from....

See we are almost there, just need one more link to make six :smileywink:

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Old 01-17-2007, 11:31 PM   #87
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Finished editing (finally) This link shows the post where I listed the edits. http://eqiiforums.station.sony.com/eq2/board/message?board.id=tales_lore&message.id=4896#M4896. Won't see much unless you've memorized my story or got it copied to word or something. Some chapters just got a font edit. (wish there were more than three to pick from SMILEY )
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Old 01-17-2007, 11:33 PM   #88
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valkry18 wrote:Ooo OOOooo OOOO! I definately love the 'enlarge world' aspect, it just feels right for your tale. (I might have to steal if, if I ever get my charcters outside the city walls).
Glad to see my idea of a massive world isn't unbelievable, and maybe preferable to some of my audience. SMILEY
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Old 01-18-2007, 10:41 AM   #89
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Hi hi,
Just finished all the chapters. The story is definitely getting more engaging.
 
Some comments as requested (I know the feeling of the deafening silence. SMILEY )
1) This point is moot now really, but I really thought the story began to drastically improve in the mid-teen chapters. Partly because I thought the story was a bit too action-heavy in the beginning. Your action sequences are well done, but I felt there was just too much fighting and not enough story at first. Then, it seemed like you suddenly changed directions, and I really got more into the story after that. I started to get a feel of the story's direction. Now, when you do your action sequences, their quality shines even more being part of your main story instead being the overriding element in it.
2) I definitely think your decision to go 3rd person was the right one. Again, I thought your style really started to shine after you made the switch, as if 1st person was holding you back a bit. Now you're describing people and places in much more detail than back in October/November.
3) I like the pace of your story now. It was a bit too fast for me at first, but I think you have it under good control now.
4) Just altogether a great story. I am excited to see that you seem to be taking your Book 3 in a slightly different direction, and your writing just seems to be getting better and better by the chapter. I am impressed!
5) P.S. I'm not as big of a fan of the big font...but that's my own personal bias...it's a bit harder to read for me for some reason. I find my eyeballs moving around too much... SMILEY
 
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Message Edited by Jnom on 01-17-2007 09:42 PM

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Old 01-18-2007, 10:47 AM   #90
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'Tis my darn widescreen at high reso that makes the small font painful for me. Thanks for all your input and yeah, I think the story's doing well now too, but as a huge fan of Conanesque writing, you'll not see me go without some sort of action for long. The pace tends to vary wildly because it's my intention to sort of bring the reader along for the ride at the same hectic pace that action in a world like this can happen. Regardless, I'm glad you put a lot into your analysis of my little pet hobby of a story. SMILEYp.s. I also saw the stark violence of Elhonna's life up this point as a mood setter that would make her later, less physical trials more important. I established that she lived this one life, and now it's a time of change. Some lessons cannot be forgotten, but she is also coming into her own and it's getting more clear that without finding herself she won't be able to save her daughter.

Message Edited by Ferunnia on 01-18-2007 12:34 AM

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