I agree that the differences between them is more subtle than many would like. Personally, I like the subtlty. The wing types are different: moths, bugs, bats, and other such that are generally considered "icky" vs. butterflies, dragonflies, and other such that are considered ethreal. Besides, can you distinguish a good human from evil? As for the design & body model. While I dislike the SOGA for all other races, I think it is well proportioned for the fae and arasai and gives them an ethreal, fantastical look. Even with the finishing touches and the wing art being done in San Diego, they're well put together in my opinion.
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