Journals of an Exile

[MysticTrunks01]

(Most of what will go in here is random bits from a journal Xannis does.  Most of the time it's specific to guild stuff and people that would have no meaning to you, so instead, when he does something more abstract and less specific, i'll post them here.  Should anyone be just that bored and looking for something to read)Emotions.  They are the driving force behind ever decision in one way or another.  Even someones supposed lack of emotion and attempt in using logic is in itself a choice made from emotion, for even logic has it's bases built upon the foundation of emotion.Grief.  It is the mind killer, the little death that whispers when someone says a certain thing.  A certain smell upon the air be it that of some sort of food or the spring flowers or some such other random scent that at any other time would have gone completely unnoticed.  Goes, unnoticed, until the person tied to those scents and sights and sounds, is gone.  Then suddenly the world is awash in fresh reminders.It steels a clamp upon your heart making your chest swell with the over pressure of blood that it can not long seem to pump and it blocks and fills the veils like some over rip fruit.  It demands your attention, there is not running from it, no getting away.  You can ignore it sure... but eventually, that fruit pops and the pain it causes is just as great later as it would have been before.Grief keeps your mind moving when it must sleep.  Oiling the cogs of memories to a point that they can spin so fast that it becomes a dizzying blur of motion.  The kind of movement like when you were a child and would spin in circle for as  long as you could then attempt to stop.  Only to find you couldn't.  For even though you tried, the body continued to sway in it's circular path until the inevitable fall on your [Removed for Content].  And yes, there was a time such things even the horrible monster I was, did something as simple as spin in the caverns of Neriak to watch the phosphorus lights in the ceiling cartwheel.It can make you irrational.  Selfish even.  Cause the weight of responsibility to become to great to bare.  The problems of others, less problematic.  It can cause a person to go cold.  As though death itself had breathed upon the fire of the heart to squeltch the flames.But, it can do all these things.  Then it can bring the memories of the good times.  Slurping noodles on a beach.  Training in the dark to sharpen the ears.  Even, being boxed in the ears by a devil of a man who would say things like, "[Removed for Content] it to hells boy, I've seen daisies kick harder than that!" and " Geez child!  She must have loved those white teeth because it sure wasn't the [Removed for Content] for brains between your ears."  They say grieving is part of the process of letting go.  I don't think that's right myself.  I think it's the minds way of making sure you hold on.  To never forget what was.  To brandish upon the emotional mind with such white hot intensity that nothing short of death of your own self will allow you to forget.It's this reason, I do my best, not to fight the grief.  Because if winning that battle means they are all forgotten, I wouldn't truely have won anything at all.

[niko_teen]

I've reached a conclusion. So with that I've decided that no longer should you work you your guild's tale that we wont see but that you should drop that and write a new tale for us here.