A Broken Cycle [Archive] - EQ2 Forum Archive @ EQ2Wire

Pyra Shineflame

02-05-2008, 03:07 AM

It's been said, though I can't remember where, that light begets light. The sun shines its light onto Norrath, onto the flowers and trees that then use that light to become fruitful. The trees grow tall and stately, the flowers bloom and bring smiles to many faces. Those smiles then lift spirits and prompt song, good deeds and laughter which spiral up to the heavens where it catches Tunare's ear. The goddess then smiles in delight and the sun continues to shine warmer and brighter in response. Light begets light. But then, one day, I began to ponder a horrifying question: What are the consequences of a break in that cycle? When that light... goes dim?Prologue - A Circle is Drawn from the Beginning It was the heroics of a fool but Tuliec was going to do it anyway. He was small and light, and with his darkly colored wings it was unlikely that they would find him without the full moon. And even then, he was fast enough to get away. His small shadow continued to flicker among the trees as he continued to convince his white knuckled grip on his bow to loosen. It was only a short trip; he'd be back behind the front lines before anyone knew it. He'd be a hero! Tuliec Varniki, the one who single-handedly delivered the enemies plans and granted the armies of Faydark a decisive victory! There was no way their contribution would be overlooked! His path abruptly changed to shoot his feather light body upwards, following the line of a nearby tree trunk. He had seen a shadow of something. He wasn't sure what it was but better to be safe than sorry! It wouldn't do for the future hero to be caught now! He hovered in the top branches of the trees scanning the forest floor, breathing lightly. He didn't trust the ground anymore, but then again, his wings weren't just for show. It took slightly longer than he had originally estimated to get to one of the camps since smacking into a branch full force as light as he was would have been awfully painful. He crept forward, brown wings beating the air at the minimum speed needed to keep him afloat, sapphire eyes searching. The camp was standard for any military operation: tents set up in a circle for defense with a fire pit dug out in the middle. He could just faintly see the glow and it seemed to get brighter the closer he got. This was what troubadours sang about, tales of heroic figures and epic victories. Kelethin would stand. Felwithe will remain forever... He was almost too close before he realized that the scene before him was all wrong. The camp was empty. Crack! "Do you think us fools?" The small fae had turned the moment he heard the branch break and, heart pumping, began to backpedal. A silver haired Teir'Dal's shadow loomed over him and the animated body of a Feir'Dal ranger began to shuffle forward. The mage purposely ground his foot into the broken branch, mocking Tuliec's inattentiveness. "I must admit," a wave of his hand and ghostly chains lashed the "future hero" to the ground. "You have lessened the need for my reconnaissance mission. We'll just get what we need from you." The ranger fell apart as the mage no longer felt the need to continue infusing it with magic, the severed head, missing an eye with a swollen tongue, rolling on the ground. The tiny bow in Tuliec's hand was starting to crack from the pressure as his eyes became wide. This wasn't how it was supposed to go! The tiny bow splintered. They were...they...they were supposed to win... "I won't t-tell you anything!" He cursed his stutter but remained defiant. Kelethin would...Felwithe had to! "Your mouth need not move, if only to scream. Your mind holds the answers." The piercing red eyes glanced off to the side and behind their guest. "You know what to do." To his credit, the boy lasted for three days with the fingers of a Teir'Dal coercer clawing at his mind, but the fae were never very resilient to such things. A day after the screams stopped the forest burned. <hr /> "Reyuti, please hold on!" Gaea was a nature keeper, a druid of Tunare and as such was not accustomed to "asking", "pleading" or even "begging." In most cases, her pride wouldn't let her. In others, it wouldn't change a thing. And yet here she was, holding a tiny porcelain hand, her throat sore from two long days of praying and bargaining with Death. Her nerves were frayed; her eyes blood shot, hair frazzled and her heart ached. Two days was far too long for a mother in labor and as a fae Reyuti was in trouble sometime after the fifth hour. Their bodies, although they had changed over the years after the War of the Fay, weren't built for much stress and it kept them close to home. The fae were very superstitious about their spirit buds, fearing that if not properly taken care of they would fade from Norrath. A small sub class of diviners, spell casters who were highly in tune with nature would sooth those fears and personally deliver the buds to the Spirit Bloom Nursery. That old wives tale, of vanishing like Queen Cydney of old, was the only thing keeping Reyuti's heart pumping. But the diviner had not yet arrived and willpower could only do so much. "Please..." The fae's breaths had been getting increasingly shallow and the healing magic of the Feir'Dal was not working as well as it should have been. "Gaea, I'm tired." The voice was breathy and nigh inaudible to human ears. The druid's eyes were beginning to prickle. "Don't say that. You are going to live and bring a wonderful life into the world," she urged. "Your child will be beautiful." The hand in her grasp was weakening. "If only that would be true..." The door slammed open and Gaea's knees almost buckled in relief at the familiar face. "Vala? Vala quick, she-" The breathing had stopped. A keen sense of failure was already beginning to ravage the edges of the druid's vision, turning it dark. Then, quite suddenly, she saw spots as her cheek blossomed with pain. "You...you hit me..." Her cheek was stinging but shock had banished her self loathing for the moment. The Koada'Dal was holding a glowing spirit bud of the departed fae as she glared at her friend of fifty years. At first she had been reluctant to slap sense into someone that looked like Death warmed over but precious time was being lost. "Save the child, you fool!" The druid started then seemed to gather herself. She was no longer the young inexperienced healer she had been decades ago, thank Tunare. She couldn't afford another failure, wouldn't allow such a thing. The time for begging was over. The child would live. Now satisfied that Gaea was now back on the right track, Valadruin stepped outside and shivered as a cold wind scampered past. It was a dark day, the clouds were blocking every last ray of light from penetrating the tree tops. The spirit bud in her hands pulsed softly and in response she let it go. Usually, the incarnation of the fae had enough decency to wait until their diviners dropped them off at the nursery but it wasn't unheard of for it to float there itself. She watched the light orb speed off, a frown marring her light features. That death had been rather sudden. Reyuti didn't even wait long enough to see her child... In the tiny room, the keeper of nature was openly sobbing. Her victory against Fate was a bitter one. In her hands lay the tiny cherub, its sky blue wings were mangled; twisted and torn bleeding in some places, stained black around the edges. The pale skin that Reyuti had passed on was too pale and tinted blue from the terrifying minutes in which the little girl had been slowly suffocating. She was twisting a lame foot, careful of the multiple fractures the brittle bone had endured, into the proper position as the tears fell. The child was not beautiful at all.Hello everyone. Just posting this here for some desperately needed feedback. Hit me with all you have got!**spacing edited!**

niko_teen

02-05-2008, 08:04 PM

I likes... so you have my permission to write more hehehehe. Yeah I know i give people crap all the time where I want detailed feedback, so you'll get some more detailed feedback later on but for right now I likes so keep at it.

Pyra Shineflame

02-05-2008, 08:30 PM

Thanks for the encouragment, Niko! I'm still in the process of tweaking the second bit but I'll post it up as soon as I am semi-happy with it<img src="http://forums.station.sony.com/eq2/images/smilies/3b63d1616c5dfcf29f8a7a031aaa7cad.gif" border="0" alt="SMILEY" width="15" height="15" />

Ekuthh

02-05-2008, 08:31 PM

A good start! My suggestion would be to break your converstation and action paragraphs into separate lines to give a better flow, and more clearly show who is speaking in what order.For example:Crack! "Do you think us fools?" The small fae had turned the moment he heard the branch break and, heart pumping, began to backpedal. A silver haired Teir'Dal's shadow loomed over him and the animated body of a Feir'Dal ranger began to shuffle forward. The mage purposely ground his foot into the broken branch, mocking Tuliec's inattentiveness. "I must admit," a wave of his hand and ghostly chains lashed the "future hero" to the ground. "You have lessened the need for my reconnaissance mission. We'll just get what we need from you." The ranger fell apart as the mage no longer felt the need to continue infusing it with magic, the severed head, missing an eye with a swollen tongue, rolling on the ground. The tiny bow in Tuliec's hand was starting to crack from the pressure as his eyes became wide. This wasn't how it was supposed to go! The tiny bow splintered. They were...they...they were supposed to win..."I won't t- tell you anything!" He cursed his stutter but remained defiant. Kelethin would...Felwithe had to! "Your mouth need not move, if only to scream. Your mind holds the answers." The piercing red eyes glanced off to the side and behind their guest. "You know what to do."If you break things up a bit, it tends to flow better. It also enables you to put in a longer post, which works in your favor if you collect a fan base...By all means, keep posting!

Pyra Shineflame

02-05-2008, 08:34 PM

Yeah, the spacing that warped when put into the forum bothered me too. I'll be sure to keep that in mind!

Pyra Shineflame

03-06-2009, 12:48 PM

We all knew about the Arasai. There was no way we couldn't know, the census was returning with fewer buds each year, more disapperances and once you met one of them, something resonated. They were not Fae. They were not of Tunare. But they once had been. Tortured and wounded spirits such as theirs made them feel wrong to us. Cold, dead, and it was almost painful to just be near them as if their suffering leaked out. They don't often remember how they came to be that way, and I am glad for such small mercies.Chapter One - FearReyuti’s offspring became something of a strange novelty in Kelethin. It was extremely rare for one of Tunare’s creations to be born with such hideous deformities. The young fae’s left leg was weak and brittle and if it hadn’t been for the extensive knowledge of the healing arts that one of her guardians possessed, it was quite possible that the fae might not have been able to fly either. The wings drew the most attention, to the point where the cherub found herself spending as much time as possible as far away from Kelethin as she was allowed. Away from the stares, the looks of pity, pointing fingers, the whispers about how astonishingly ugly they were. There were no shimmering colors, no elaborate patterns or soft curves. They were a sky blue that corrupted to black as the eye approached the edges of dead wing tissue. They were jagged with large tears and sharp points, the empty spaces shimmering every few seconds with the energy of the spell binding it together. It was enough to allow her to glide to the forest floor and even fly like the others if she wanted, but only for short distances. So she spent most of her time walking, hobbling along while following her feet. It was a common uncommon sight. A small fae, walking, with her wings hidden underneath an earthy toned cloak as mishapen lumps. A slightly more common sight, was this fae disrupting the peace. "Yeah? Well, your mati's an orc's [Removed for Content]!" Gaea Silvertree slapped a hand to her face as the merchant's eyebrows rose dangerously. "Aestrin!" She whispered harshly from the side of her mouth, hand still covering her eyes. "What have I told you about insulting people?" She didn't have to look to see the girl's patiently annoyed frown. "I am not a [Removed for Content]. He deserved it." The logic of a child. An eye for an eye. There was no concept of mercy, compassion or of simply ignoring those who couldn't keep their mouths shut in that little head. Once endearing, now frustrating. She felt like she had aged a century as she spread her fingers to peek at the "orc's [Removed for Content]" in question. The woman was livid. "I expect an apology!" she huffed primly and Gaea groaned. If there weren't so many people around, the druid might have been tempted to refuse. It was her brat that got stupid first, if anyone should apologize it was them! But Aestrin was already on thin ice. The Fae were superstitious, to the point that a good half of them would not round a tree from west to east in fear that it would make the sun go backwards. Naturally, the suspicions alighted on Aestrin turning the girl into a bad omen. Too many brushes with death, too many flaws. It meant that minor offenses against the girl were overlooked, because inside they all thought that the girl somehow deserved it. It wasn't fair but that was just how the world was. "Aes..." The tiny fae shifted her weight onto her lame foot briefly. "You're gonna make me apologize, aren't ya?" It was said with such bluntness and apathy that for a moment, the druid worried. "I'm sorry." A reckless grin that didn't reach her blue faceted eyes. She reached out a hand, palm up. A culturally misplaced symbol of regret that the girl must have picked up from that Koada'Dal Valadruin. "I humbly request," she began in a magnanimous small voice. "That you overlook my brief lapse in judgment and let it not affect us further." The surrounding Fae gave her weird looks as Gaea fought the urge to slap her face again. She even sounded like the woman, arrogantly benevolent. The offending party fumbled with the acceptance of the apology and beat a hasty retreat. Aes sighed, rolling her shoulders underneath her cloak, before looking up. The Feir'Dal warden looked down in response, briefly distracted by the girl's appearance. Blue eyes, blue hair, pale skin that showed numerous blue veins, blue wings... "Mati, can we go home now?" Aestrin told her once, that she loathed the colour blue.