Humor .... Ranger joke's revisted

[Daxtyr_AnnonTuri]

this is going to be the only thing to cheer me up i think.2 Rangers walk into a bar ............<ol><li>the cleric says Rez inc.</li><li>1 dies and the other joins the purple line club</li><li>the guardian says "wow OMG they lived .... NERF Rangers they are to tuff now"</li></ol>lets see if we can have fun with this oneone of my favorite ones from PoFear in EQ1Daxtyr yells "Who's your Daddy"Innorrok yells "Daxtyr"Daxtyr takes 20,000 points of damageDaxtyr diesthe raid cheer's the cerimonial ranger deathDaxtyr tells the raid " did we win? can someone get a screenshot for me? what loot was dropped?"

[Dark_Moons_Rising]

<div></div><p>:smileyvery-happy:</p><p> Hows this one,,  a Wizzy ,, a Ranger and a Dev walk into the forest.</p><p>A giant pops out of the bush, and the wizzy fries it,, in one hit,,</p><p>Mesquito comes up,, ranger swats it a few times and kills it..</p><p>Wizzy looks to the dev and says,, see told you he was too powerfull:smileywink:</p><p> </p>

[Niuan]

<div>ok.. after playtesting live... here one that came to mind:</div><div> </div><div> </div><div>Why does it always rain in the plane of storms?</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>Tunare sheds a tear each time a ranger dies <img src="/smilies/3b63d1616c5dfcf29f8a7a031aaa7cad.gif" border="0" alt="SMILEY" /></div>

[Niuan]

<div></div><p>ok ok can't resist.... here is another</p><p><deep slow voice></p><p>R-A-N-G-E-R-S........  IT'S WHATS FUR DINNA!</p>

[Yvana]

A ranger walks into a bar LOADING... PLEASE WAIT...No really good translation to EQ2 <img src="/smilies/8a80c6485cd926be453217d59a84a888.gif" border="0" alt="SMILEY" /><div></div>

[Meerosh]

<div></div><p>One of my favorites...</p><p> </p><p>Why don't Rangers get Feign Dead?</p><p> </p><p>The fall would kill them.</p><p> </p><p>It's sad sad sad but that's the state we're in now.  <img src="/smilies/9d71f0541cff0a302a0309c5079e8dee.gif" border="0" alt="SMILEY" /></p><p> </p><p> </p>

[brandi7920]

<div></div><div><blockquote><hr>Niuan wrote:<div></div><p>ok ok can't resist.... here is another</p><p></p><p>R-A-N-G-E-R-S........  IT'S WHATS FUR DINNA!</p><hr></blockquote>OMG - LMFAO!!!!!! I needed that laugh - thank you so much!</div>

[Danla]

<div></div><p>here's an old one i first heard in eq1:</p><p>why did the ranger cross the street???</p><p>because the chicken had him down to 1% health...</p>

[Niuan]

<div></div><blockquote><hr>Danlail wrote:<div></div><p>here's an old one i first heard in eq1:</p><p>why did the ranger cross the street???</p><p>because the chicken had him down to 1% health...</p><hr></blockquote>:smileyvery-happy:   :smileyvery-happy:

[Jagdwol]

<div>Zed: Bring out the [Removed for Content]!</div><div>Bubba: But the Ranger is asleep.</div><div>Zed: Well wake him up from his dirtnap.</div>

[Daxtyr_AnnonTuri]

one day a ranger goes home from a long day of hunting .. .......his wife_01 says "dear can you fetch me some water please ?"Ranger_01 say's "NO ... get it yourself ....  i got nerf'd so bad at work today, a Sk pet out DPS'd me"wife_01 say's " well if you try harder maybe you can PvP baby kittens NOW get me my water"Ranger_01 says "yes dear"

[KongstadPS]

<div></div><blockquote><hr>Danlail wrote:<div></div><p>here's an old one i first heard in eq1:</p><p>why did the ranger cross the street???</p><p>because the chicken had him down to 1% health...</p><hr></blockquote><p>:smileyvery-happy:</p><p>More!</p>

[kc10boom]

<div></div><p>Reminds me of the scence from the Holy Grail:</p><p>"Bring out your dead .... Bring out your Dead!!"</p><p>Party throws Ranger onto cart</p><p>"But I'm not dead yet!"</p><p>"Don't worry you will be soon, your a Ranger!"</p>

[Taubin]

<div><span><blockquote><hr>kc10boomer wrote:<div></div><p>Reminds me of the scence from the Holy Grail:</p><p>"Bring out your dead .... Bring out your Dead!!"</p><p>Party throws Ranger onto cart</p><p>"But I'm not dead yet!"</p><p>"Don't worry you will be soon, your a Ranger!"</p><hr></blockquote>rofl I LOVE that movie...</span></div>

[Steezi]

<div></div><div>hehehe keep em up....</div><div>(i'd like to see otha classes with such threads afta a nerf?)</div>

[Bro]

A ranger's walking through the woods, admiring the way the sunlight streams down through the canopy. Suddenly, the words'An ex por!'ring out.. followed by some cackling and the immortal words'pwned n00b'The ranger notices he's rooted to the spot. He looks around & sees a scrawny looking guy in a dress clutching a spell book & muttering..'corp.. pear? no, that's not it.. corp.. where's that bookmark?.. corp.. I think it's on page 34..'The ranger calmy slips the bow off his back & reaches over his shoulder for an arrow. He quickly checks to see the barbed tip has a good coating of poison. He nocks the arrow, draws it back to his ear, and fires..'crop.. corp..ah! here it is! now you di..''OOWW!.. why's my spell book stuck to my chest with this stick! It hurts! The blood's getting all over the pages!... Hey! thats my blood!'The ranger smiles, thinking.. any second now..The mage goes into a nasty spasm, there's a sound like someone taking a handful of breadsticks & twisting them.. and more blood starts coming out of places it really shouldn't..'Oooh..that hurts.. you cheat! you can't do that! I'm a mage! I'm paging a GM..'There's a loud PoP, and a dude in another, rather flashier dress appears, accompanied by the faint smell of rose petals..'OK, what's going on here then?'The GM looks at the mage..'Well.. I was going to kill that ranger.. I rooted him and I was about to cast my next spell when he shot me!. I want this sorted! Look.. here.. In the Mage's book.. read what it says 'Congratulations for chosing a Mage. You may not look much, or get the girls, but hey, you win!'. I want this fixed now or I'm cancelling. I've seen Harry Potter, I know we pwnz all!'The GM looks at the ranger & raises an eyebrow..'Yeh, he rooted me, but I can still use my bow.. it's got a 180lb draw on it, so a 3 foot arrow ain't going to have much trouble punching through a few bits of paper & that dress he's wearing'The GM looks down at his dress, looks back at the Ranger and a thin smile appears..'Actually, it's a ROBE.. not a dress.. Let's see if we can't do something about this shall we?'The GM waves his hands in a completely masculine way, and a short bat appears..'hmm.. that's not going to do it.. one moment..'A bit more hand waving, and a biger bat appears, complete with shiny bits & particle effects..'ah.. thats the one.. now hold still.. this won't hurt a bit..'The GM smirks, points thet bat at the bored looking Ranger, gathers the mystical energies to him and cries..'NERF!''Ok, that should do it.. now.. could you try shooting the mage again for me please?'The Ranger picks out another arrow, nocks it, starts to draw it back.. and the string won't budge.. The GM smiles and says..'Try this one..'He hands the Ranger a shiny gold bow, with jewels & thingumajigs encrusting it. The Ranger looks at it, taps one of the jewels, it falls out. He picks it up, looks closely at it, bites it, then tosses it into a bush.. He looks at the GM & says..'Feels a little light doesn't it?''Oh, not to worry.. it's a special bow.. and you just lost 7c tossing that treasure.. Now could you shoot the mage please?'The Ranger reaches for another arrow.. pauses for a moment to notice how the wicked barbed ends that had previously tipped it were now replaced by a big pastel colored soft leather ball. The Ranger frowns, nocks the arrow, notices how easy it is to draw back to his ear.. takes aim at the Mage & fires.There's a tinny twang, a few more jewels fall off the bow.. The arrow gently glides across the forest floor in a leisurely, most un-arrowlike fashion before bouncing off the Mage's proudly puffed up little chest with a faint 'thonk'.The GM smiles, the Rangers shoulders slump.. The Mage looks excited!'Thanks GM.. it still stung a little, but thats fixed it.. Can I kill him now? Please! Please?''Ok, go ahead...'The draws himself up to his full 5'8", puts on his most evil smile (which he practices in front of the mirror for at least 4 hours a day.. and cries..CORP POR!The Ranger explodes in a messy shower of pyrotechnics, leaving a little greasy smoke & a bit of bubbling plastic where his bow fell.'That seems to have done the trick, balance is restored' says the GM, smiling at the Mage. 'Happy now?''Well, actually, there's this zerker that keeps calling me a dress wearing cissy.. and could you help me kill this boss mob?'They wander off into the forest, chatting contentedly..The Rangers ghost follows them through the forest for a little while, then slowy fades from this land.<div></div>

[SmakenDah]

<font color="#339900" face="Century" size="2">Classic one from EQ1:What did one Ranger say to the other Ranger?"I see you're bound here too?"</font><div></div>

[sebbe_dovresjo]

<div></div><p>well boo hoo.</p><p> </p><p>Cry baby cry.</p><p>Welcome to the world of the enchanter. And we ve never complained.</p>

[Daxtyr_AnnonTuri]

<span>idiot<blockquote><hr>sebbe_dovresjo wrote:<div></div><p>well boo hoo.</p><p> </p><p>Cry baby cry.</p><p>Welcome to the world of the enchanter. And we ve never complained.</p><hr></blockquote>well sir i can see you have no idea about humor ... so [expletive haxx0red by Raijinn] and get out of the humor thread if you want to flame .... go to the old blast furnace or make a new one ... either way get out.</span><div></div>

[Gareorn]

<div></div><blockquote><hr>sebbe_dovresjo wrote:<div></div><p>well boo hoo.</p><p> </p><p>Cry baby cry.</p><p>Welcome to the world of the enchanter. And we ve never complained.</p><hr></blockquote>You obviously don't have a humorous bone in your body.  That aside, just exactly what is it enchanters never complain about?  Nerfing of other classes?  Because, if you took the time to look at the chanter forums, you'd see it's full of crying and whining about your own inabilities.  Never complained?  [Removed for Content]!  Maybe you do have one humorous bone in there somewhere.

[Steezi]

<div></div><p>this is the most ridiculous flame i have ever seen... Anyone ever noticed that it only comes from mages and assassins? Its not that their all pricks, it just seems that most of the pricks come from their stock...</p><p>Btw your enchanter is outdpsing my ranger. When you get the next nerf after conj, i will personally be in your face kicking your balls while your down... And maybe you will remember writing this on that day...</p>

[Bro]

Can we just ignore Sebbe's post & get back to the jokes?I'm afraid I 'summoned' him here. I posted a 'farewell' on our guild (TuT Legacy) site & linked to the  story  here.Sebbe is unfortunately an officer in TuT, a coercer named 'Laurent' & rather than posting his thoughts on our guild site, he decided to post here. He really should have known better than to try & backstab a Ranger, and I guess his Charm failed.So back to the jokes..<div></div>

[Steezi]

<div></div>i thought what i said was a joke!

[Steezi]

<div></div><p>and wait.... he's a coercer? Wow.. welcome to the world of enchanters indeed... if i had known he wasnt an illusionist, (which it seems he intentionally avoided) i may have had a much more intelligent and scathing response...</p><p>So two deuchbags walk into a bar...</p>

[coltla]

<div></div><div><blockquote><hr>sebbe_dovresjo wrote:<div></div><p>well boo hoo.</p><p> </p><p>Cry baby cry.</p><p>Welcome to the world of the enchanter. And we ve never complained.</p><hr></blockquote>Liar....Let me say that again <font size="6" color="#ff0000">LIAR</font>.  You guys started threads in the SCREENSHOTS section complaining you needed fixed.  Atleast these guys were trying to joke about it.  Do a search for "Enchanter" in "The Glass House" and say that again. </div>

[Gailstryd]

<div></div><div>Emperor Fyst is leisurely sitting in his throne, idly dangling his meaty legs over the arm watching the full pitched melee below.  He sips his ale and begins to look around for someone to tell to release the lions when out of the corner of his eye he see's a fleeting shadow edge back into the corner.  He stands and stretches, acting cool and casual.  With a sudden surge of speed and strength, he reaches round the open door and grabs a fist full of tunic whipping his captured prey back around pinning him against the wall.  Emperor Fyst finds he is holding a chagrined [expletive haxx0red by Raijinn] of a wood elf Ranger grinning like an old wine-o at mardigras.</div><div> </div><div>"Prepare to die.......what the?"  Fyst takes a step back as he feels something cold and wet spill out over his feet and in a rage begins to raise his mighty fist to smite the Ranger.</div><div> </div><div>"Rarr wet yourself on my new boots will yah....", the Ranger, still grinning like a [expletive haxx0red by Raijinn], is holding two mugs of froathy ice cold ale up as if they were a shield.</div><div> </div><div>Emperor Fyst stops, stunned by what he is seeing, "What the hell is this."</div><div> </div><div>The ranger looks up and timidly squeaks out, "Truce?"</div><div> </div><div>Emperor Fyst cackles in glee as he grabs a mug of ale from the level 70 Ranger and plops back down into his arena side throne.</div><div> </div><div>He takes a deep swallow of the ale and looks over at the Ranger pulling up a chair beside his, "They nerfed you guys hard."</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div>

[Pins]

<blockquote><hr>sebbe_dovresjo wrote:<div></div><p>well boo hoo.</p><p> </p><p>Cry baby cry.</p><p>Welcome to the world of the enchanter. And we ve never complained.</p><hr></blockquote>You're an idiot. Saying an enchanter never complained is like saying rangers didn't get hit with a nerf stick <img src="/smilies/69934afc394145350659cd7add244ca9.gif" border="0" alt="SMILEY" />Please ignore the idiot, and as for lowering enchanter DPS in a future patch I welcome it, if they let me do my enchanter stuff on raids as well. Yes, I do too much damage for a T3 DPS class, and probably will get shot with a nerf bat, but if they do, they better have utility for me on raids. Of course, most of my damage comes from spell procs because I have low re-use timers and low damage spells, soo I just spam them, and go for maximum procs.As for the ranger situation, I have noticed your DPS is way down, and definately is in need of being brought up some to become a T1 DPS class again, although from what I've seen it's not as bad as you are making it out to be, it still is making rangers a bit lower on the DPS scale than they should be.

[Steezi]

<div></div><p>Pinski, u gottit head on. Most of us say that a nerf was definately in order, but it went too far... what everyone is really mad about, is that 1/2 of the nerf was unannounced. They changed about 16 things at once... and in some cases changed one spell 3 and 4 times over.. (see stream)  If the changes that they had said were to be implemented were all that were, rangers wouldnt have problems. Basically we got the shaft like the wizzys did... A nerf to a much larger degree than the others class nerfs.</p><p>and yes, wizzys got the shaft just as bad as us, just over a longer period of time...</p>

[Vorzevha]

An old one:How do you know that a ranger broke into your house?Your cat is camping his corpse.

[macte]

<div></div><div>Community Manager "So what about the Ranger"</div><div> </div><div>Dev1 "I looked into it more deeply and what happened was he was nerfed 5 LU's ago and noone ever told him about it, but because of some kind of glitch in the Proccing department he was still getting his DPS."</div><div> </div><div>Dev2 "So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch"</div><div> </div><div>Community Manager "So Rangers have been nerfed?"</div><div> </div><div>Dev2 "Well just a second there professor, we ah..we fixed the glitch.  So he won't be receiving DPS anymore so it'll just work itself out naturally"</div><div> </div><div>Dev1 "We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible..the problem is solved from your end."</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>Ranger(mumbling to himself) "I could...I could wipe the raid"</div><div> </div><div> </div>

[coltla]

<blockquote><hr>mactell wrote:<div></div><div>Community Manager "So what about the Ranger"</div><div> </div><div>Dev1 "I looked into it more deeply and what happened was he was nerfed 5 LU's ago and noone ever told him about it, but because of some kind of glitch in the Proccing department he was still getting his DPS."</div><div> </div><div>Dev2 "So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch"</div><div> </div><div>Community Manager "So Rangers have been nerfed?"</div><div> </div><div>Dev2 "Well just a second there professor, we ah..we fixed the glitch.  So he won't be receiving DPS anymore so it'll just work itself out naturally"</div><div> </div><div>Dev1 "We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible..the problem is solved from your end."</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>Ranger(mumbling to himself) "I could...I could wipe the raid"</div><div> </div><div> </div><hr></blockquote>ROFLBEST JOKE EVER!

[Jagdwol]

<div></div><blockquote><hr>mactell wrote:<div></div><div>Community Manager "So what about the Ranger"</div><div> </div><div>Dev1 "I looked into it more deeply and what happened was he was nerfed 5 LU's ago and noone ever told him about it, but because of some kind of glitch in the Proccing department he was still getting his DPS."</div><div> </div><div>Dev2 "So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch"</div><div> </div><div>Community Manager "So Rangers have been nerfed?"</div><div> </div><div>Dev2 "Well just a second there professor, we ah..we fixed the glitch.  So he won't be receiving DPS anymore so it'll just work itself out naturally"</div><div> </div><div>Dev1 "We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible..the problem is solved from your end."</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>Ranger(mumbling to himself) "I could...I could wipe the raid"</div><div> </div><div> </div><hr></blockquote>MACTELL FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[macte]

<div>Hey thanks for the compliments, I wasn't sure if anyone would get the reference or not.  I just heard the Bob's saying that when I read the devs comments about the LU20 changes.</div>

[Dark_Moons_Rising]

<div></div><p>:smileyvery-happy:</p><p> Guy walks into a TOYS-R-US store,, then walks up to the customer service desk.</p><p> the girl behind the desk asks if she can help him, He responds, yes,, i need 4,000 suction cup arrows,, for a 40" plastic  Longbow.</p><p>The girl gets on the phone to the warehouse and tell the man on the other end.</p><p> " bob, we have another ranger from EQ2 about to go on a raid"</p>

[Serakk]

<div></div><p>Oldie but a goodie</p><p> </p><p>Originally I wrote this for when I played my ranger in  EQ:</p><p>How many Rangers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?</p><p>Answer:  3</p><p>1st one to screw it in.</p><p>2nd one to drag the first one's corpse.</p><p>3rd one to shout for rez's for the first.</p>

[Astari]

I'm really surprised that this oldie but goodie hasn't been posted.Why is a rangers armor green and brown...Green so he can find his corpse when he dies in the dirt and brown so he can find his corpse when he dies in the grass <img src="/smilies/3b63d1616c5dfcf29f8a7a031aaa7cad.gif" border="0" alt="SMILEY" /><div></div>

[Avendelf]

<div></div>More of a story than a joke, but I find this hilarious.  Didn't realize you couldnt run while using any of the CAs anymore with LU20 so died to a wisp in Shimmering that I was trying to kite confused as hell cus I had no idea why I wasnt damaging it, but still kept hitting my usual kiting CAs waiting for it to go down ...thought it was all parries or something...took me 2 more fights with my conjurer buddy helping out to figure out what the heck was going on...hahahaha good times....I love stealth nerfs