Alak's Journal

[cr0wangel]

<DIV> <P>Here some short stories / entries I posted in my character journal (blog). Note that they are in no particular order, if you want to follow the story, you need to read the full blog I am afraid. I love to write and love to roleplay, I write from day to day into the journal. I hope some of you will enjoy. I update the blog often, feel free to give a look or to send me some comments.</P> <P> <A href="http://www.myspace.com/alak" target=_blank>http://www.myspace.com/alak</A></P> <P> </P> <P>*The Rack was empty. Silent and empty, when Alak pushed the door to enter in the tavern. He thought he was lucky, because he enjoys to be alone in the bar. The Rack has become popular among the dark elves and among even the others races. When Naitchil had the idea, Alak never thought that would really work, but now The Rack was well known and often filled with strangers. But tonight it was empty and Alak wanted to be alone.<BR><BR>Alak poured some Neriak brandy in a glass, bloodwine was his favorite, but he knew he drank the last bottle... He sat near the counter, closing his eyes a moment to appreciate the silence and the darkness. Alone with his glass, he forced his mind to go blank, a short moment of peace after many long days. He took a deep breathe, a familiar odor came to his nose and brought him back. Some herbs and...the smell of the death. Alak opened his eyes and saw that Naitchil forgot one of his robe behind the counter. He took the robe and inspected it, nothing in the pockets, only this smell of death. Naitchil...where was he? He had not come to the bar for days.<BR><BR>Alak took a parchment sheet, some ink and wrote a short note to his friend, hoping he will come and read it, hoping he was not dead :<BR><BR><I>Naitchil, where are you hidding? I have something for you and I need you for some work in Antonica. Also, the bar need some bloodwine bottles, it may turn bad if I get thursty, but you know it's not just about the wine... I need to see you, contact me as soon as possible. Alak</I><BR><BR>He rolled the parchment, hiding the note in a secret drawer behind the counter, he knew his friend will find it. He drank the brandy and before he leaves the place, he gave a look at the robe. Don't be dead, Alak whispered as he was talking to his friend, but it was only his robe.*</P></DIV><p>Message Edited by cr0wangel on <span class=date_text>08-23-2005</span> <span class=time_text>12:42 AM</span>

[cr0wangel]

*Alak was facing a closed door, it was locked. He could have opened it with a kick, but he knew what he will find the other side, emptiness. Necrum was gone and his room was now abandonned. Alak was feeling sad, like the only link that made him hold to this life has just be severed. He waited in the corridor for a while. Waiting for what, he didn't know. He was tired, after some time, he sat down, looking at the door fixely. He had the feeling that the door will never open again. He closed his eyes, but even in darkness, he couldn't find the peace he needed. He was too tired to go back to his room in Longshadow, he felt asleep; for a second he wished to never wake up, but that was useless, he will not feel less lonely once dead.*

[cr0wangel]

<P>*Alak stood up and realized he was standing outside, in the alley. His head was painful and the world was spinning. Even drunk, he couldn't help it, the beautiful visage of Tialneques was haunting his mind. Alak waited a moment, motionless, trying to not fall on the ground. "How will I survive this?", he said to himself. He stumbled into his room and closed the door. He didn't know if he was going to be sick or not. But for sure, he was not feeling well at all. He fell twice before reaching his bed.</P> <P>"You swear you will come back...?"<BR>"You will have to trust my word..."</P> <P>Tialneques has been gone for only a few hours and it seemed to be centuries! Alak felt pathetic, he could have cried for hours, but it would have been worthless. That night, as he knew Tial will be away for days, Alak felt as vulnerable as a child.</P> <P>He didn't know why Tialneques had to leave Freeport or where he was going.  Knight duty, the Father first... Drunk, he damned Innorruuk for taking away from him his knight, his love. He curled into the bed and closed his eyes, he almost felt asleep, but the smell of Tialneques left on the velvet sheets kept him awake. He let the sweet scent fills him and found peace.</P> <P>Alak knew he will wait for him, even if he had to wait forever.*</P>

[cr0wangel]

<P>*Alak was standing on the edge of the chasm, he could feel the wind and the sand brushing his face. Looking down below, the world seemed so small and distant, like an unknown dream. These last days, he came here often, wondering if he should jump into the emptiness and let his body being squashed.</P> <P>Tialneques did not come to meet him as he was supposed to. He waited, but the knight did not come. Did he forget? Probably not, but Alak was feeling forgotten. He knew Tial did not forget, but believing he did comforted him somehow. I wish you could know, he thought. He needed him, he wanted Tial to need him in return.</P> <P>Just one step and everything will be over. He held into his gloved handed the symbol he was wearing around his neck. If only I knew, I could help you, he whispered, I wanted so much to protect you, maybe I forgot to protect myself. Alak didn't know what to do, thinking made things worst. Even if he could touch Tialneques handsome visage, he could not reach him, he was far away. He needed to know what was between them before he sink into it.*</P>

[cr0wangel]

<P>*Alak turned his head to look behind, what he saw confused him. He saw blood covering the dunes, a desert of crimson sand. This blood could not be his, was it? He fell on his knees, as his legs could not support him anymore. He felt the warm liquid running down his hands, inside of the heavy gloves. So that was his.</P> <P>That was not the first time Alak had to face this. He was a berserker after all. But it was one of the most violent. The hate, he let it go, he let it control him, he let it win. Hate of the creatures of the desert, the fiends, the [Removed for Content]. He did not kill them, he slaughtered them. He did not wanted to stop until the desert was purged of life! He was haunted by the visage of Tialneques in pain, so he swung his swords into their flesh. It seems the hate he buried inside for so long was leading his swords. Every blow was for Tialneques, to make them pay. But his blades were no match for the pain they did to him. It was not enough. So he killed them, until killing had no meaning. Angry, as he could not undo what has been done to Tialneques.</P> <P>As Alak was killing them, he did not feel the pain, the cuts and the wounds, until he could not take any. He could not remember feeling such a pain, he had no body anymore, he was a wound.*</P> <P></P>

[cr0wangel]

<div></div>Alak went to his room in silence. The small room was quiet, except of the tinkling of the silver chain, his necklace against his breastplate. The room was bathed in the comforting light of the candles. He stopped suddently, before stepping on the luxurious carpet. He could feel the cuts on his back, it was burning each time his skin was in contact with the metal of the armor. But it was nothing, for he knew the pain of the body  could never be worst than the pain of the soul. He walked on the carpet, his boots making a soft noise and again the necklace tinkled, as if it wanted to remind him of Tialneques with every steps.<p>Alak stared at the candles. Staring. That's all he could do. As the things were going on, he was helpless.</p><p>He closed his eyes and pictured Tialneques standing behind him, placing a strong hand on his shoulder. Deep inside, he was shaken by the violence of existing for only one person. They left me the pain, they don't deserve happiness... He opened his dark eyes and tears rolled down on his cheeks. He hated them, the tears, or maybe it was Nayeh and Tial he hated, he could not tell. In the chaos of his mind, it seemed for the best to hate everything, including himself.</p><p>A frown appeared on his ebon visage as he felt the pain striking him. He clenched his fists. The room faded in front of his eyes, he fell and as his head hit the wooden shelf he heard it, the chain around his neck, tinkling.*</p>

[cr0wangel]

*Alak sighed, he let his head fall back on the comfortable pillows, the daggers tearing his black hair, tighter around his poney tail. But he didn't really feel them. They were always there, annoying him everyday, but long ago they reached the point when he did not care anymore. He stood up carefully, leaving Amika to her slumber, and walked silently to his bed. He needed to be alone a moment. Once on his bed, his dark eyes stayed open, looking at the ceiling through the red drapery covering his expansive bed.Six letters. Six letters he wrote and still not a word from Tialneques. Alak wondered if he should write a seventh letter, a part of him was telling him to keeping writing, another part was telling him to give up. Fool, he thought. The link has been broken, he wondered if he should give up or try to mend it. Mending. Why is it me who need to mend? Alak frowned, his visage tormented by pain. Why did you did this to me? I did not deserve this betrayal. He curled on himself, invaded by memories. The fond memories that he once cherished evolved into cruel instruments to torture his mind.Maybe I should be the one they want me to be, he thought. Maybe I should try and kill her, be the unleashed beast they think I am. Am I not a berserker? Tialneques could be safe with his conscience, he could tell himself he was right, he could stop feeling guilty for what he has done. But maybe Tialneques's guilt will never fade. Alak closed his eyes, tired to be in the shell of a tortured spirit. Maybe the knight will always live in the fear of my revenge until his last breath, for he knew what he did was a vicious wound to someone who did not deserve it.I hate you, Alak managed to whisper with clenched teeth. Either by love or hate, Tialneques will never fade from his mind and he hated him for this. Slowly, a little bit more each day, the reasons to not take revenge were disappearing. Alak wanted to respond to pain by pain. Inside he was fighting the desire to break Tialneques just as he has been broken. To cause a wound so deep that the pain will echoe in his mind for eternity.Like I have not enough to fight you, now I must fight with myself. *<div></div>

[cr0wangel]

<div></div>*Alak stood alone and above all else. A question was ringing into his mind over and over. <span>Does it really matter? Is anything I have done mean anything? Why built if everything perish? </span>He sat, or he think he did. The world was an immense chaos, he could wear many voices, but couldn't understand them, their words were vain. All he could see were flashes of colors, he thought he was loosing his sight for a moment, but his dark eyes focused; a young female was running toward him, a priestess.She looked of what was left of Alak, the mutilated body of a dark elf, laying against the merciless rock. He was breathing slowly, using what was left of his will to not forget to breathe; he didn't need to look, he knew his legs were no more. His body and bones exploded against the stone, it couldn't remember if it was before or after the dragon balanced him into his mouth. He was not a dark elf anymore, more a ravaged amount of blood and metal.Alak moved slightly his head, the young female's face turned into a scream as she was surprised he was still alive. But he was feeling nothing. Somehow his mind disconnected from his body along the way. He wished for death but he didn't die. Death didn't want of him. None wanted of him. The priestress called for help. He heard her voice, she was calling for others through the chaos. It seemed to be an eternity and a second, and all at the same time. His body was trembling and seemed lighter with all those pieces everywhere. In a last effort, Alak left his head fall back to rest against the careless stone. He tried to gather his thoughts, but they were leaving him. One by one, like dreams we forget in the morning.<span></span>He saw the young priestress holding his gloved hand. He didn't know her and she didn't know him, but he thought it was kind of her to not let him die alone; and on this thought he faded.*<div></div>

[cr0wangel]

<div></div>Here another stories from my blog, the posts doesn't make sens since all of them are in the blogs and not on forum, sorry.<p>Red copper</p><p>*I hate you, he said, into his mind, but still he didn't move, he laid there on the rug, embraced with him. It didn't make any sens, nothing made any sens anymore.Cold. Alak was feeling awefully cold, even if he was laying near the roaring fire. The warmth of the fire was burning his naked skin, as a soft ache, a reminder of his miserable existance. For a long moment, hours maybe, his eyes got lost in the orange flames, following their hypnotic movement; he watched, as the lights danced on the young wood elf sleeping visage and on his red copper hair, it seemed to burn somehow. He was so young and burning himself out.You destroyed me, all that I was. Everything I was. Alak didn't know to whom he was talking, him, himself, his past. His eyes drifted up, on the curled paper that were resting on the warm stone shelf of the fireplace; he sent him a letter, to Valendiel, but the letter came back, unread. Alak closed his eyes, tears fell on his cheeks and he cried silently, as the elf was sleeping deeply into his arms. He wouldn't know, he wouldn't see him cry.How he could tell him? How could he? It was Valendiel, that he pictured when he touched him, Valen's name almost escaped as a whisper from his lips. That's Valen he saw in him; when he closed his eyes to kiss him, he pictured Valen's lips. Alak knew perfectly it wasn't him, but the dream could feed his sore soul. Valen. He wanted so much to be needed, but the white snowy wood elf didn't need him. He doesn't love me, he thought, since the very first day, he wanted to leave. Alak held Mal tightly, pressing the sleeping body of the elf against his own, to comfort himself. So much pain. But at the same time, the image faded, and it's him, Mal, that he was kissing. He wanted to protect him, even if this was insane. He didn't want his fire to burn out, he wanted to touch it without burning himself.He could relate to him, lost in a world of sharp pain and confusion, where the darkness is a refuge but also a deadly graps who suffocate you. Where he could go? Alak sighed, stroking his red hair, letting the vivid colored locks slide with his fingers like flames. But he couldn't escape it, his love for Valendiel was haunting him. Do I love someone who doesn't love me? Again, he was like him, like Mal, aching for someone who, at the end, wouldn't care? It hurts him suddently, the truth of it all and at the same time, he couldn't understand any of it.I love you, he said, into mind, but still he didn't stay and stood up; quietly, he put his heavy armor on his shoulders, he was feeling safe inside of it. It didn't make any sens, nothing made any sens anymore.*</p><div></div>